i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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