you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
