There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Randomize
