I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
