That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
