This house was built for laser tag.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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