My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
