I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
