So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Sober January is a disaster.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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