Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
