someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
