Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize
