Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
