why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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