oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
