do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
