there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
