We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
