I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
