Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
