it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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