I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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