Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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