Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
