There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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