Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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