I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
