everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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