its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
wow bdsm is so cute
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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