Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
