Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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