he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
