I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
