he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
