We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
