ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
