i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
