I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
