Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
