You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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