Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
