My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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