So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
