we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I am one with the molecules
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
