so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
