my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
