omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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