My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
