she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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