Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
