I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
